Over Now -

A few posts back I spoke of this season. I know, for a fact, that I am not the only one going through it. There are a few I can name: Wilsons, McClendons, Capertons...those are just a few. I fully believe that we are here to learn, grow, and be prepared for the glory of the Lord. Now, I don't believe God brings, sickness, unemployment, disease or poverty. These are results of our fallen world. I cannot speak for any of the afore mentioned people, but this season I have felt God close but I feel He has been very quiet. So to fill the silence sometimes I just put in a CD and listen. I was listening to a CD by Needtobreathe called Daylight. There is a song called Over Now. Part of it says,

There is a feeling that you won't make all you have in store,
This is just a season, you deserve much more.
Lift up your head, look out the window, cause it's almost over now.
Take back the time, your fear has stolen, cause it's almost over now.

This song was, I think, God reassuring me through His quietness. I pray it is encouragement to anyone going through a hard season. God's plans have purpose. Unless a seed falls to the ground and dies...waiting for hindsight...

New Pics!!!

Here are some new pics taken by the great and amazing Mandi Scoggin, for Erica's magazine Au Courant!!

I'm back -

It has been exactly 9 months and 6 days since my last blog. (This is what that sounds like to me, Dear Mary full of grace it has been 9 months and 6 days since my last confession.) I felt like blogging was taking up too much of my life. I am sad to say that I fell out of the practice of it quite easily. But looking back I realized that was an outlet that caused me to write more often that I have without it, and for that reason (and a strange dream from Kelly Bruce) I am back. (Please, hold your applause until the end :)

I have seen many types of blogs. There are the very spiritual teaching blogs. The blogs that detail the journey of ...whatever...losing weight, stop smoking, houses remodeled. You know what I mean. Don't get me wrong...all good. Just not for me. Not saying I will never do one of those things, just that I see this as different all together.

In 2009 I got a prophetic word from a friend that when I turned 31, big stuff was going to happen , good stuff. I heard from countless people that this next year was OUR year.

It has been a while so let me catch you up

About 9 months ago our family started on a new journey. We will call it, owning your own business. (picture me throwing up as I type it) We had recently bought a house, which I had desired for a looooooonnngg time. So here we are, spending days lounging by my new pool, the kids running around our beautiful yard all summer, enjoying space and comfort and my heart full of thankfulness that God finally saw fit to answer my prayers (or moans). Things are good. I mean really good. And you know what God is good too. I am on staff at my church and experiencing great growth. I am finding my true identity. I am embracing myself and loving myself for the first time in a long time. Billy is getting lots of jobs for his new business. I have started a new workout program that I love and guess what: it's working. My kids are happy, my mom is a happy, I am happy and Billy is happy (or so I think).

A little time goes by.

Billy now informs me that money is getting tight and we need to be careful what we spend. Hey, I am on board with that. (As long as it doesn't affect me idea of my perfect comfortable new life) My mom informs me that she is having some pain in her abdomen. (my thinking...she is going to be fine, just needs some medicine) Then as Christmas arrives I find that money being tight has moved to money being GONE. We prepare the kids for a lean Christmas. They cry and are sad, but alas we make it through and they were blessed, as were we. Not because we got stuff, but because God is Good.

Then we go from "money's tight", to "money's gone" to "we are in debt." So we start unloading stuff. Dish network - gone. Internet - gone (Have to say we had to get that one back, sheesh who can live without the Internet). Home phone - gone. New great workout - gone :( Cars - traded in. Eating out - gone. Buying whatever I need whenever I need it - gone. You get the picture. Diagnoses comes back from the Dr. - cancer. Billy's business - goes under. Now we are faced with a number of things. One of things was reconciling the "GOOD" God I talk about to my actual reality. I was scared, angry, insecure just to start with. This has led me to finding out some truths I really needed to learn.

1. God is always good.
~Even when my circumstances are not.
2. Billy is not the problem. I am.
~I have found in the midst of this situation I have too may times, reacted in a way that is not very encouraging and secretly in my heart blamed him.
3. Billy is not my source. God is.
~I have learned to have faith in every one of these circumstances.
4.I love my husband
~I have learned again that we have a "no matter what" marriage.

So where are we now...We are both looking for jobs. Mom is on her third round of Chemo coming this Wednesday. We are still in a lot of debt. I am going to have to put Maddie in daycare when I find a job. We are trying to keep our house, that is still uncertain. We are praying everyday for the provision of the Lord. We are on a journey to become whole and that hurts. On every level of relationship (mom, husband, kids, family, friends) God is calling me to go deeper. This is our season of loss.

But, I have gained so much. I think it will be easier to distinguish that in hindsight. Oh, I can't wait for hindsight. But until then I will say God is always good to me!!! I really believe it. Even in loss, God is still always good. I know there are many of you have much more tragic stories than mine, but that is just it. This in mine. Anyway, I don't even know if anyone will read this. You have probably all removed me from you list. I wonder if this is like the tree analogy. If a blog is written and no one reads it, is it still a blog??

Okay, so I know I said I wasn't blogging anymore, but because Rachel called me out specifically I figured this is a pretty safe one. So here I go...

8 Things I Am Looking Forward To:

1. Moving into a bigger house
2. Money never being an issue
3. Mexicooooooooo!!!!
4. Publishing my first book
5. All of my kids being in school (I know this sounds terrible)
6. Being the perfect size that God intended me to be
7. Publishing my second book
8. Seeing KLF reflect what is at the heart of who we are in it's fullness

8 Things I Wish I Could Do:

1. Go one day without my computer
2. Wear shorts
3. Travel everywhere with Billy (this may should have gone in the above section)
4. Sing
5. Keep the laundry done and put away
6. Give my children everything they have ever wanted (probably not a good idea)
7. Go to the movies once a week
8. Become addicted to exercise

8 Shows I am Currently Watching:

1.American Idol
2. Biggest Loser
I will soon be watching
3. Wipeout
4. So you think you can dance
5.
6.
7.
8.

Okay, I will tag ....ummm....someone please do this :)

Family Pics

Well Helloooooo -

I am so tired of looking at that post from 1986. I thought to myself, surely I could think of something else to write about. So here goes; an update of sorts.

My and Kristina have been planning the BFW. Pam and Joann have been big helps. I am really excited. But I want to see something happen. I want the traditional "If you are leading something big, you will be attacked" scenario to die. I am so tired of this being the norm. We have had all sorts of crap happen. I don't really want to give you the gory details. Let's just say I am tired. I know this BFW is going to be powerful. The best yet. I can say that because every one is better than the last. That is to God's credit. So anyway, I am really excited. Just a few weeks left.

Mom has gotten a not-so-great report back from the oncologist. I don't receive it. I am believing for long life for my mother. Have faith with me, that is all I can say right now.

I just started the P90X. I am on day five. It is pretty much suckfest. It is so hard. But I like to work hard. It's is the eating that is a *&@%. (I am not sure what you will find if you follow this.) I spend most of my time being sore and tired. But I think it will pass in about 90 days. I am hoping for good, FAST results. What can I say, I come form the microwave generation.

Maddie has been sick. She had the flu and some crud after. Bailey has has a cough. Paige, me and Blaise had a stomach bug about a week ago. Just to give you a glimpse Blaise threw up and had diarrhea in her bed, never woke up, just rolled around in it until the next morning. Yeah, I know: gross. Almost everyone is better know.

Sunday night has been good. It went from about 30 or 40 people to aver a hundred every Sunday night. What Brandon talked about this past Sunday night was life changing. If you weren't there I highly encourage you to get the CD. It was so powerful. Jason has also taught of some great Kingdom principles also. Again, CD's available.

The book is coming along well. I am about ready for the first edit to get the initial book proposal ready. Just pray for me. Julia emailed me this week after a pretty long absence on my part. I have spent so much time for the BFW I haven't written much. It was good to here she is still interested.

I don't even want to talk about the house. All is going well, it is just that every time I say anything . . . well you know. Let's just say - soon. Okay, let's just say that.

Well, I will leave you with as few recent pictures.

Maddie's getting into everything, as you can see. She keeps me busy!!

We have been having lots of fire. I pray they are prophetic pictures of a fire God has started.

Paige was in a show at the Paramount. She was gorgeous and thinks she has found her calling.

Maddie's first attempt at string cheese.

Maddie and her gorgeous daddy (isn't he hot?). She wasn't feeling well, so they were cuddling.

P.S. Don't plan to hear a lot from me from blog world. I really want to be wise with all my time. While I love all of your blogs. I think I need to invest in some specific area. But, I may sneak in every now and again.

Cancellation of debts

At the beginning of 2008, Billy and I began the year with about $90,000-$100,000 of debt. We have had debt our entire marriage. This year we began to declare that we would be debt free in 2008, except for our school loans of course.

Early in the year I began to see the number 5 everywhere. I would glance at the clock and it would be 5:55. I got bills in that were $55.55. All.The.Time. Then I read in one of Bill Johnson's books that God revealed to him this was the cancellation of debts. We began to buckle down and pay off everything we could. But we still had the big ones. School, 2 vehicles, a land payment, some small medical bills and credit cards. Then, as most of you know, in April the church paid all $29,000 of our school loans off. This was a turning point in our mentality. What was previously impossible, now seemed more realistic. Next we paid off out credit cards and all other small bills. Then our suburban finally sold. Then as the last few months of the year came and went, so did our debt. The truck, which again seemed like an impossible situation, was sold. The land payment is gone. Medical bills gone. All we owe is a small amount on our van now. We went from being a slave to debt to pretty much debt free.

It really is true that we hold the power of life and death in our tongue. As we continued to declare, "Debt free in 2008" we sat back and was wowed by God's goodness.

Now my faith is increased. I have even bigger things to declare in 2009. What are you declaring for 2009?