Tuesday, April 29, 2008

My sentiments exactly!!

I was reading Jenni's blog today. Jenni gave birth to her 12th child the week after I had Maddie. She wrote a beautiful post that expresses my feelings exactly. It is entitled:

Stupid is as stupid does!!
By: Jenni

I used to be a moron.

Not that I can now claim to have completely escaped from the tangled web of morony, but from at least one thread I have won my freedom.

This sticky, deceitful thread was the one entitled "newborns are boring".

In years long past, I would gaze upon the face of my infant child and sigh at their helplessness. I wanted them to DO something. When would they smile? When would they sit up? When would they crawl? I checked the books and chafed at the interminable time it would take before they would be entertaining.

Moron. Card-carrying. Certifiable.

When they would curl their bodies into tight little balls as they lay upon my chest, drawing their feet up and tucking in their arms, a chrysalis of humanity encapsulated between my collar bone and navel...I didn't find that particularly wondrous.

When their heads would lift off my chest, bobbing and weaving, eyes wide with unfocused wonder and mouths in tiny o's of surprise, struggling to study my features before burrowing back into my neck in exhaustion...I didn't think that was terribly interesting.

When they would twitch and squeak as they slept, eyes darting under delicate lashes as they sailed their ship of dreams, smiling suddenly, breath puffing out in the heh-heh-heh of a Lilliputian laugh as angels stood at the helm and told them of the adventures they would have together..I did not stand in amazement.

When they would wake in the night, nuzzling and searching for comfort, flailing and furious at the sensation of hunger, knowing somehow exactly how to be satisfied: nurse, swallow, breathe, repeat...I never saw the miracle before me.

But slowly, so slowly...I have learned. I have cut away the sticky demands, the tangle of impatience, the ignorant blinders that kept me from seeing all that my infants were.
They were fascinating. From the curl of their fists to their wrinkled soles, amazing. At two weeks (+!), my newborn has already changed monumentally from when I first laid eyes upon him. He does not smell like the breezes of heaven anymore, but of Burt's Bees Baby Wash. He does not wear the infintesimal speck of size NB any longer. The cord has shrivelled and gone. Every day, he grows (faster, I think, than any baby has before).

I sit and rock him, and stare. I do not want him to sleep so that I can "get something done". I do not hasten to lay him in his bed as soon as he is finished nursing. I do not wonder how long it will take him to smile at me in recognition. I kiss his wizened little old-man hand and do not want it to fill out into six-month plumpness. I am cherishing his tinyness. And I cry for the infancies that I wished away, in ignorance and impatience.

I wish I could have them back, just for an hour, to treasure them for all that they already were.

In this respect, at least, I am no longer a moron.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Here is what is going on here!!

Well, I will start by saying I am finally getting back into the swing of things. It has been a bit of an adjustment. I won't say it has been easy, but it has been worth it. I think one of the reasons I was able to adjust so quickly was all the amazing wonderful friends around me. Pam organized meals for me for a couple of weeks. (Thank you, Pam, Amy, Krissy, Kelly, Cherith, Kristy, Ashley, Kathy, Brenda, Cyndi, Rachel) Amy, Krissy and Ashley all took Blaise and Avery on different days. This was amazingly helpful. Pam picked up my kids from school quite a bit. Brandi sent me a wonderful card. You are the best friends anyone could ask for. I have felt sooooo loved by you!! All the times you were doing those things, I got to sit around and look at this...

I caught her first "accidental" smile!!

We had a birthday party at the YMCA for Bailey!!

Here is the sweet birthday girl. She is 8 now!!

Yes, I am rocking the bows on Maddie!! I love them, why didn't I do this with the first four!!

We had our first real bath!!

And ... the piece de resistance... I think she might have curly hair. You have all seen Billy, how have I not had a curly-headed little girl before now. Here's hoping!!

Anyway, those are a few things going on here!!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008


This is beautiful Avery. She is three and 3/4. She is fun and smart and more things than I can name. But, another thing she is, is talkative. She is always talking, but more specifically, talking to me. And I must at all times keep eye contact. If my eyes roam at all, she will start over from the top. Everyday is filled with more questions than I can answer, more stories than I can remember, and more idle chatter than you would imagine. These traits are probably very significant to her destiny, but right at this moment, it makes me a little tired.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Life as usual?

Well, things are getting back to normal around here . . . kinda. A little less sleep for me, but I can't seem to care. I just love Madeline so much. Even at 3am when I am nursing her, I can't even be put out. I am so in love with her. And thinking back a few months ago, with all my heart I wanted a little boy. It seems so strange now. I couldn't imagine not having her. I couldn't imagine our family any different than 5 little girls. It just seems so ... right, ya know. God really is so smart.

The girls are crazy about her. I have to spend a lot of time shielding her from an onslaught of hugs and kisses. I am trying to make her available to them, but not let them have free access to her. It has been a little tricky. Especially with Blaise and Avery. There are quite a few mamas in this house. Blaise has actually had a little bit of a rough patch. She is a little more emotional and frustrated. She has had some potty accidents. I am just trying to love her and assure her that she has not been replaced.

For any readers out there who don't go to our church. This week we got a amazing phone call. Someone wanted to pay our student loans off. Out of the blue. The biggest debt that we have. The lid that has been over us for our entire marriage. The thorn in our side that constantly plagued us. The debt, that in the natural, we could not pay off. $28, 206. 47. Yes, almost $30,000. God is so good. I have been overwhelmed with God's goodness. It doesn't matter what we do, he can be nothing but good.

So, that is what is going on here. A lot of nursing and staring at Madeline. And being very thankful!!

Madeline Grace Hafner!!!

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Love, logic and the rod!!

There has been lots of talk about different types of discipline lately. I will be the first to tell you I don't have all the answers. But I ran across this today and I thought it was pretty amazing.

21 Rules of this household!!!

1. We obey God.
2. We love, honor and pray for one another.
3. We tell the truth.
4. We consider one another's interests ahead of our own.
5. We speak quietly and respectfully with one another.
6. We do not hurt one another with unkind words or deeds.
7. When someone needs correction, we correct her in love.
8. When someone is sorry, we forgive her.
9. When someone is sad, we comfort her.
10. When someone is happy, we rejoice with her.
11. When we have something nice to share, we share it.
12. When we have work to do, we do it without complaining.
13. We take good care of everything that God has given us.
14. We do not create unnecessary work for others.
15. When we open something, we close it.
16. When we take something out, we put it away.
17. When we turn something on, we turn it off.
18. When we make a mess, we clean it up.
19. When we do not know what to do, we ask.
20. When we go out, we act just as if we were in this house.
21. When we disobey or forget any of the 21 Rules of This House, we accept the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

I want my house to operate like this. Which, of course, has to start with Billy and I. I think if we could press the first 20, the last one would be the easiest of all. Instead of starting with how do we discipline, do it backwards. Make discipline the exception when the first 20 don't get done. Anyway, like I said . . . I am no expert on children. Having a lot doesn't make you qualified, it just makes you need the Lord more. I know God is bringing us to a new and better way concerning this topic. Just thought I would share.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Reader's Discretion Advised!!

Last week I went to the doctor on Wednesday. He checked me and said I wasn't dilated or effaced at all and he couldn't feel the baby's head and he thought she might be breech. So after all that encouraging news I really had to pray. I went back today and he did a sono. He said she was head-down. She had dropped some. He could feel her head. I was dilated to a one. The sono measured her at about 8 and 1/2 pounds right now. I am not sure how accurate those are. And I lost one pound this week. So overall a much more encouraging visit this week. Billy is leaving tomorrow for the BFW. I am scheduled to pre-register on Sunday and at 5 am on Monday I am to be induced. I am praying Sunday I will go into labor on my own. So anyway, this is what is going on with me.

On a side note. I had a wonderful baby shower. Thank you to all who came. I have enjoyed going into my room and just looking at all her stuff.

Sorry to all of you who are tired of hearing about baby stuff. I can't seem to think about anything else right now. You know, with a living person inside of me about to come out. In a few weeks maybe I will have something else to talk about.