Shout Out!

I just want to give a shout out to some of my favorite people. Trish and Joel Trueblood. They bring food when you need it. They pick up your kids for school when you need it. They pray and believe with you when you need it. They encourage your children to be mighty prayer warriors. They truly embrace community and I love it and I love them and I love them for it:)

Update on "Stretch"

I have been processing the "being stretched" blog. I have come to a conclusion. I don't believe God is looking to stretch us, per se, I believe He wants us to grow. When there is growth, you don't shrink (barring any osteoperosis). When you stretch, there is the rebound. I don't want to rise to the occasion and then rebound back. I want to grow, and then grow, and then grow more, and hold more, and believe more and grow more and etc. Maybe when Paul said from Glory to Glory we could say from growth to new growth. Let's don't just stretch and pop back. We all know what happens when we catch the end of that rubber band coming back. It stings. Let's, instead, grow.

A house divided -

Have you ever been grocery shopping and just spent some time peeking in other people's baskets. You come across someone whose basket is filled with fresh produce and organic everything and you think, that is probably a pretty healthy person. Then you come across someone who has 3 12 packs of coke, chips, and an assortment of frozen pizzas and you may think, that person is probably not so healthy. Well I am a house divided. I was shopping today at HEB. As you know it is hard to lose weight without the proper foods at your disposal. So I was making sure I had everything I needed. Sugar free, fat free fudge bars to curb the chocolate craving. Protein bars for those on the go times. Lean Cuisines for a fast meal. Boneless, skinless chicken for cooking meals. Light dressings, fat free whip cream, fresh fruits and veggies. So on and so forth. Then I also had Oreos for Billy's late night sweet tooth. Hot dogs and sugary cereal. Sugar for Billy's sweet tea. Some treats for the girls and some other crap. So if someone looks in my basket they will see what the Bible calls a house divided. Do any of you have this problem? I am not saying cook unhealthily or feed our families trash. But they are not overweight, shouldn't they have some indulgences that they like. What do you think?

Stretch

I was thinking today about being stretched. There have been so many times in my life when I felt like I was stretched. Sometimes God was asking me to do more, take on more, believe more and so on. Other times there have been seasons in family life when Billy was busy (like now) and I felt the pressure of that. Or even other times when relationships were growing and being worked out and it stretched me. More often then not I feel like I can rise to the occasion. There have even been some times when I have surprised myself. But there have been instances when, like anything stretchy, when then pressure was removed I went back to the previous state. While pondering this today I was thinking about different types of things that stretch. Take a rubber band, for instance, I can stretch it to accommodate my hair, but when I take it out it is fine. Undamaged and unblemished. But on the other hand, let's take my stomach. It was stretched beyond limits to houses 5 beautiful little girls. It was stretched so far that I bear scars to remember (and a pooch that I am in the process of removing) . And even though I don't look pregnant now, my stomach is not the same. At times I have hated this fact. But I always remembered that I birthed something. Something invaluable. There have been many times I have been like that rubber band that stretches, but doesn't stay stretched. So the next time, God has to stretch me again. This is the one time I do want to be like my stomach. That when God stretches me, I don't shrink back.

On a side note - In the past I have spoken curses over my stomach and have said I hated it. I have repented and changed my mind about my stomach. I am going to lose weight and God is going to restore it. God used this stomach to teach me a valuable lesson.

Builders and Foundations -

Luke 6:46-49 "And why do you call me Lord, Lord and not do what I say? Everyone who comes to me and hears My words and acts upon them, I will show you whom he is like: he is like a man building a house who dug deep and laid a foundation upon the rock and when a flood rose the torrent burst against that house and could not shake it because it had been well built. But the one who has heard and has not acted accordingly is like a man who built upon the ground without any foundation and the torrent burst against it and immediately it collapsed and the ruin of that house was great."

This verse has caused me to think about some basic stuff. Basic principle - why do you call me Lord, Lord and not do what I say? But let's break this down another step. 1) Everyone who comes to me. So first as a builder we have to come to the master architect for the plans. 2) and hears my words. Next we must know how to hear the voice of God. 3) and acts upon them. Then we musts obey God with the same intent that we came to Him and heard Him. Jesus says that the person that can do this won't be shaken when the flood comes because he has a deep foundation.

Now let's look at the antithesis of this principle. 1) the one who has heard and has not acted accordingly. So this man, like the first, came and heard, but the break down came at the obedience step. How many times have I heard the voice of God and not acted accordingly. Jesus says of the man who does this, the house collapsed and the ruin of that house was great. How many times have I allowed "ruin" to come to my "house" because after hearing the voice of God I was disobedient. Lord forgive me. I will share one area with you. There are probably a few to choose from. But I have heard from God to rise early and be with Him at the start of the day. So I came to Him with a problem. He gave me the solution. My problem was not having time during the day and feeling a disconnect. His solution was, rise early and drink of me to your heart's content at the beginning of the day, then give out of that. But here is an area that I have disobeyed. So when the torrents come I feel weak and collapse and bring ruin to my house. We are all building something. Let's be builders with a strong foundation.

You got a kid on me! (Xander)

So, last night me and Billy decided we needed some alone time. We didn't go to the Valentine's Banquet, instead we went out on a quiet date, just the two of us. We had a great time, it was relaxing. We just talked and enjoyed each others company with no distractions. So we got home from our date. Mom had all the kids if bed. We will just say it was a wonderful night. Skip forward a few hours. Somewhere in my subconscious I hear a persistent crying that is trying to pull me out of my beloved slumber. I resisted but my motherly instincts took over. First thing I notice upon awakening is that my legs are SCREAMING from the lower body work out we did yesterday. Just a few hours of being still caused them to revolt. So I hobble out of bed through the house to get Blaise. When I get to the girls room I realize it is Avery crying, not Blaise. I pick her up and she has a fever. So I hobble back into the kitchen carrying Avery, legs giving out every step, and give her some medicine. I take her to the living room. I got her set up with a blanket, cup of water and, of course, bunny fufu to watch a movie. I stumble back to bed and immediately fall back asleep. Thirty minutes later she is back in my room needing to go potty. I get her situated again and once again immediately fall back asleep. One hour later, more crying, same stumbling through house, different baby. I take Blaise a bottle, which is ridiculous in itself because she is 16 months old there is no reason she should need a bottle in the middle of the night. But anyway, ridiculous bottle delivered, hobble back to my bed, once again, sleep. Thirty minutes later, more crying, little baby can't find pacifier. Once again, she shouldn't even have a pacifier at 16 months, but that is another story. Deliver said pacifier, more hobbling and after getting settle in covers, MORE CRYING. Now I am the one who wants to cry. I just laid their thinking. She is fed, has a pacifier, is safe and warm in her own bed. I can't do it. I can't get up and hobble through this house one more time. So, motherly instinct loses to survival instinct. I am up by six AM and need to take two of my four children to the doctor. I think this is going to be a good day!

To Cool for School!

I wonder when we start being "to cool". Today while picking out Valentines for the girls classes, Paige was distraught because the Family Dollar's selection of Valentine's were not cool enough. So we had to go to a different store to find some that were cool enough. I wondered to myself, when does that start and does it ever really stop. Bailey didn't care and Paige did so I will assume the awareness comes somewhere between 6 and 9. What is going to come next? Dropping her off down the road so no one sees my uncool Minivan. Never kissing her in front of her friends. Her refusing to hold my hand in public. Well, although the Valentine thing was real, I don't believe Paige will ever do the others. She loves to be hugged and kissed by me, where ever we are. She still climbs in my lap and wants me to hold her. But I know even as adult there have been times when I felt the similar "to cool for school" feeling. You know you have all felt it. Maybe when Cherith says, "Hey everybody, let's swim in the river." Not everyone is doing the backstroke to the worship music. Or when I went to the gym for the first time, I didn't want to stick out like a sore thumb. I just pray my children will gain the ability to live out their lives and not be concerned what others think. Imagine how much easier their lives will be because they just didn't care. Because then know on the front end they are different and just be okay with it. That is my prayer for them. I also pray I can do the same. Not have to be so reserved or cool. I want to throw off the restraints. So what if Bryan rocks. So what if we twirl and dance with invisible dance partners. I believe God smiles at that kind of abandonment.

Come Forth!

Today during church my spirit was so stirred during Bryan's sermon. I felt my hunger increase. As it got closer to ministry time I wanted to rush the pulpit. I wanted to be first (Bobby beat me, dern) in line to get what Bryan had to give. As I waited for Bryan to pray for me, the anticipation increased. I wondered what he would pray. Would he say a short prayer? Would he cast out a demon? Would he call the fire down? And would I fall on the floor and flop like he did? At this point I was ready for any of it. But do you know what he did? He called for the woman God created to, "Come Forth!". He prayed any ties or addictions holding me back, from being what God created me to be, to be broken. I imagine this is what Lazarus felt like when Jesus called him to, "Come Forth" from the grave. I am now removing my grave clothes and washing the stink off. The grave clothes of an identity that is not mine, because I have believed what others and the enemy have said about me. And the stink of allowing my flesh to rule. Flesh stinks. Especially four days dead. So the stone has been rolled away, and I like Lazarus thousands of years earlier, am COMING FORTH!!!

Pursue, Overtake and Recover All -

I have been getting the weekly sermons from Bethel Church in Redding, California. This week Todd Bentley gave a word, "Pursue, overtake and recover all." I encourage all to listen to it. it goes right along with Pam's dream and the season of recovering all lost or stolen. It was so amazing. After my last list I began to wonder if the stuff stolen or lost as a direct result of my error could ever be regained. After hearing this, I was encouraged. I felt like I have lost some time. You know when you look up and wonder where the time went. I have felt a little like that. I am claiming not only will I pursue, I will overtake my prior position in faith, finances, the supernatural, relationships and will surpass them. I will recover all that has been lost. I have sat a long time mourning lost things. I want them back now.

I once was lost, but now I'm found!

In light of Pam's recent dream (if you haven't read it go to pamelotta.blogspot.com, it's awesome) I began to think of the things that have been lost or stolen in my own life. God told me to make a list. I am believing for returns. Now some of these things may have already been returned, but most have not. So this is my stake in the ground. These things that have been lost or stolen will be returned with interest. So this is my list in no particular order.

-innocence
-carefree childhood
-relationship with my dad
-a brother-in-law
-years of confidence
-a healthy body
-$100 bill
-about $800 from when our car got broke into (that includes repairing windows and things stolen from inside)
-a daughter
-26,000 (school loans)
-1 1/2 years of marriage
-2 purses full of my stuff
-a grey skirt I really liked
-going to college
-years of knowing my younger sister Fiarella and my brother Giancarlo
-growing up with both parents
-thousands of dollars in car repairs
-money put into 512 Cherry St.
-felling safe and secure as a child
-my sophomore and senior years in high school
-a good reputation
-a good credit score
-prosperity

There is more I'm sure, but this is a start. Some of these things may be a result of my sin, but I have felt like all were lost, never to be regained. So I included them on this list. What has been lost or stolen in your life?

What am I doing?

Last night I had class, also had a test I didn't feel completely confident about. So my plan was to go to town a little early, grab a small bite to eat (since I hadn't eaten dinner), eat in my car and study for about 20 minutes before class. Billy had to work late so I didn't get to go to the gym. So I decided to go get a burrito from Bueno. I pulled up to the light at Industrial and Buffalo Gap Rd and realized it was 6:18, which meant I was going to be late. So I skipped Bueno headed straight to class. Took the test, did fine. We got out of class early and I was faced with some options. Go to the gym since I didn't get to earlier (they are open til 10), go straight home, or go to Bueno. So not only did I go to Bueno I ordered ridiculous food and ate all of it. Who ever thought of making Cheesecake Chimichangas. So after to ten minutes of eating, I've been through approximately 20 hours and 36 minutes of "What the heck were you doing." I sabotage myself. I work out very hard in the gym, then I make bad choices eating, get frustrated that I am not seeing any results from working out and decide it's not working, I might as well forget it. Makes me so mad. After years and years of making the wrong choices I find it is not always easy to make the right ones every time. But I want to remember this feeling. The next time the fast food demon calls my name I want to remember this disgust and regret I feel at my shallow self-discipline. I know the small fleeting fleshly joy that comes from good food is nothing compared to the empowering I feel every time I make a hard choice and it's the right decision. I believe this is probably what men feel like when they look at pornography. Strong tug, internal battle, give in for a moment of satisfaction and have days of guilt for not being stronger. So I guess porn can come in different forms. Pray for me!!!

Ask, Seek and Knock!

I believe I did something significant in the spiritual realm today. After prayer I pulled up in front of "the house". I once again asked God for it. I told Him I refused to be denied. Just the Becky pulled up behind me and told me to "Come on." As we walked around the house she prayed a prophetic prayer and we visualized me and my family and friends in this house. As we got around the front she told me to go knock on the door. We asked, seeked (not sure if that is a word), and now it was time to knock. So I walked onto the front porch and knocked on the front door (lucky for me no one was home). As I did that I felt my heart turn over. I felt like I had done something significant. Thank you Becky for believing with me and being the wild prophetic woman that you are :)

1738 Alamo Court -

Billy and I have moved 14 times since being married. We have lived in 3 different apartments, 4 trailers (we lived in one trailer 2 different times), my mom's house, a concessions stand where we shared the bathroom with two Hispanic ranch hands (ask me about it sometime), a place we affectionately call the cellar, and 4 different houses. Some were kinda nice. Some were not nice at all. Most were very small. But we have never owned a home. This makes me sad. I always dreamed on a house that I loved. A house where all my kids friends wanted to come, and we had the room for them. A house where my children had wonderful memories growing up in our wonderful home. Where we opened our home to friends, families and maybe even strangers as God led us. Now, my children our not deprived, nor am I. But I have always believed this desire would not be there if it wasn't supposed to be realized. Until now though I wasn't sure where I wanted to live. I only knew where we live now is so small I am beginning to lose my mind. We are literally on top of each other. But this last year a specific home was put on the market. 1738 Alamo Ct. I remember when me and Billy first got married Eddie and Tonie Farmer (Toby's family) lived in this home. They had us over because Tonie was helping us by taking me to appointments and stuff. I remember walking into the house and being amazed at how beautiful it was. Wondering what it was like to live in something so lovely. I fell in love with that house. Now ten years later it is for sale again. It has sat on the market forever because the realtor is asking an obscene amount of money for it. So there it is. An obscenely big and expensive house that I want very much. So in the natural I know it probably seems ridiculous that I should expect it. But God is asking me to dream big with him, so I am. So I have no idea how exactly we will get this house. There has been some interesting turns that lead me to believe that God is working in our favor. I have felt opposition. From the enemy, from my mind, from our checking account, and from people at times. It is not my heart to try to live out of our means. But it is the desire of my heart to have this home. My life doesn't hang on it. If for some reason I don't get it, I will cry and be disappointed and then get over it. But will you believe with me that God would make a supernatural way for us to have it. Will you pray that I will get "the how out of here"! I am not sure of the how's, but I know my God is willing and able. I am going to school to get a job to help with the financial increase a house payment would put on our finances. I believe this house is perfect for us. Almost everyday I drive to it and stop in front on it and ask God for it. I will continue until I possess it or God tells me a firm NO. I would probably be a miracle. But lucky for me I serve a God who majors in the supernatural. And as the 2 year old worship CD Mrs. Becky handed out this week says, "I have a mighty messiah that manifests miracles down in the depths of my heart. Where? Down in the depths of my heart!"

My babies with their babies and their babies!

So, most of you who know me know when I talk about my kids I call Paige and Bailey "the big girls" and Avery and Blaise "the babies". Some of you may not know that Avery has, for her whole life, called her pacifier a "baby". And those are their baby dolls they got for Christmas. So this is my babies with their babies and their babies!

We got to pray just to make it today! - MC Hammer

So, I need some prayer from all my fellow bloggers out there. The constest has started. Joined the Powershack. Go all the time. Love it. Eat great during the day. But when night gets here, and I have to cook for my family I find it harder to stay the course. I am trying to cook more healthy overall. But there are still some things they like, that I really don't need. So pray that I can be wise and be controlled by my spirit not my flesh.

The "V" Bomb -

I will begin this post with a warning. If you do not like the terms of female reproduction organs this post may not be for you. With that being said I will continue with my story. At my Medical Terminology class on Tuesday something strange happened. We were studying suffixes and we got to the word centesis. Which means a surgical puncture to aspirate fluid. A lady then says, "Oh, like amniocentesis." My teacher agreed. There then was some talk of the pain and procedure of the amniocentesis. It is when a very large needle is inserted in a pregnant woman's belly to collect a sample of her amniotic fluid. Then from across the room, Alberto says, "Yeah, they did that to my mom, but the put it right in her vagina." Are you kidding me, he just dropped the "V" bomb. But it didn't stop there. The teacher began to explain the procedure again, assuring him that it must have been something else. But he continued to insist that was done to "my mom's vagina" He then went on to describe what went into his "mom's vagina". By this time I was ready for a camera crew to jump out and tell me I was being "punked". What guy, other that a gynecologists, would say the word vagina out loud multiple times. And what makes it even worse was the word vagina was used in the same sentence as "my mom." I believe it would have been as offense and awkward if he would have dropped the "F" bomb. But that is just me!