Last night I had class, also had a test I didn't feel completely confident about. So my plan was to go to town a little early, grab a small bite to eat (since I hadn't eaten dinner), eat in my car and study for about 20 minutes before class. Billy had to work late so I didn't get to go to the gym. So I decided to go get a burrito from Bueno. I pulled up to the light at Industrial and Buffalo Gap Rd and realized it was 6:18, which meant I was going to be late. So I skipped Bueno headed straight to class. Took the test, did fine. We got out of class early and I was faced with some options. Go to the gym since I didn't get to earlier (they are open til 10), go straight home, or go to Bueno. So not only did I go to Bueno I ordered ridiculous food and ate all of it. Who ever thought of making Cheesecake Chimichangas. So after to ten minutes of eating, I've been through approximately 20 hours and 36 minutes of "What the heck were you doing." I sabotage myself. I work out very hard in the gym, then I make bad choices eating, get frustrated that I am not seeing any results from working out and decide it's not working, I might as well forget it. Makes me so mad. After years and years of making the wrong choices I find it is not always easy to make the right ones every time. But I want to remember this feeling. The next time the fast food demon calls my name I want to remember this disgust and regret I feel at my shallow self-discipline. I know the small fleeting fleshly joy that comes from good food is nothing compared to the empowering I feel every time I make a hard choice and it's the right decision. I believe this is probably what men feel like when they look at pornography. Strong tug, internal battle, give in for a moment of satisfaction and have days of guilt for not being stronger. So I guess porn can come in different forms. Pray for me!!!