Baby Talk -

I have made a decision. Before talk of a new baby came into view, I had a plan. This plan included these things: lose weight and get healthy, go to school and start working some, be more involved with ministry, become excellent at housed stuff and be intentional with my children. I have decided that this talk of having a baby is a distraction. That sounds so terrible. I know. I have battled the feelings of guilt. But I feel like there are some things I am supposed to be doing now and having another baby would throw me off track. I also know that my time is spread thin to my children and another baby would just take more time from the children I have. I am not saying I will never have another baby. Just not now. I feel good about this. I want to offer good things to my family. I feel like I have been a baby factory for 10 years. I want to be the woman God intended me to be. My kids are not the reason I am not, but as we know, babies demand all of you. So this is my decision. After explaining my heart to Billy, he agreed. So on with the plan.

Am I Crazy?

Billy and I have felt that our family is very complete. Or so I thought. There has been much talk of having another baby. I was so sure I was done. I guess about as sure as I was that that was our house. Anyway, I am struggling with the whole be fruitful and multiply thing and now my body is my own. But is my body ever really my own. I love our children, and without tooting my own horn we make pretty good ones. (with lots of help from GOD) There could still be some world changers in our loins. Am I crazy? I think I may be. Why can't I just trust God on this issue. Why can't I just get off the birth control and believe God knows best? Pray, please!

I've got my hopes set high!

I have decided to hope again. I know that sounds pretty serious, huh? Well, after the house thing the enemy tried to convince me to not get my hopes up again. That I would just be disappointed again. After sorting through all my thoughts and emotions I will rest on the facts. God is good. He has good things for me. I have decided I WILL get my hopes up again. In fact, I have decided to get my hopes even higher. Truth be told, there were some things about the house I wasn't crazy about. The draw was that the gratification was immediate. I didn't want to wait any longer. But I will. I have decided I will not settle. I will hope for something even better than the last. To the world that probably seems crazy, but I know that my God WILL do exceeding, abundantly above what I could ask or imagine. And also, thank you all my beloved friends for encouraging me to keep the faith, assuring me that I didn't look like the ass I felt, and loving me through my funk. I love each and every one of you so much. So it could be a year or maybe five, but I will not settle. That is the kind of God I serve. One who gives you the desires of your heart. And I know this because He is my delight. So the stand of faith continues.

Friday Night

I recently had a girls night with Pam and Brandi. We went to Abuelo's (yum, yum). Then went to see a movie. This post is a thanks to those girls. We went to see the movie 300. I have been wanting to see it so bad. And even though that is not their type of movie, they went with me anyway. I had a great time, and I needed one. So thanks, again. And next time, you can pick the movie :)

No good title for this one

So, we are not getting the house. I don't want to go into much detail right now. We have heard a definite NO. I am sad and disappointed and a little embarrassed. I was so sure it was mine. I guess I was wrong. I will now clean up the mess I made by telling everyone and their dog that we were moving in May 1st. I will just stand on the fact that God is good, He can't be anything else.

The Battle-

So, things aren't working out like I planned. I am battling the battle of knowing what God wants and maybe giving up what I want. I am battling the enemy in my mind and thoughts. I am battling emotions of anger and sadness and embarrassment. I am just not sure what to think right now. I feel a little like Erica with all my words that don't paint a clear picture of what I am feeling. I just know that I don't know. God will you tell me so I do know. Please.

Spring Break Fun!

Spring break wasn't anything special. Avery's leg was hurt and Billy was working a lot. So I tried to find some fun things the girls could do. This was the day they made mud pies. Well, they started out making mud pies. They ended up playing a muddy version of slip and slide. But they had a great time. And it did take us a while to get them cleaned up. I have in the past not like things like this because they were dirty and would take time to clean up and so on and so forth. But I know that they will probably remember this forever. It was great fun to them and it was worth my time and effort. I don't ever want to be so uptight that I miss an opportunity to make great memories with my beautiful girls. And yes we did end up throwing all their clothes away.

God is GOOD!!

Today we took Avery to her one week check-up on her leg. The doc took more x-rays. He came back in and showed us the x-rays. He told us that if he didn't know where to look he would not have been able to see the break; it was healing that fast. So instead of another 5 weeks in the cast thingy he said he thought in two weeks she would be fine. Isn't that amazing. So, just wait, it doesn't stop there. We were leaving to go up to the front to pay the fee. He walked us up to the front and said to the lady at the desk, "oh, no charge!!!" Now mind you this is not Brent Steadman, our friend, who didn't charge me. This is a doc we had only met once (though I suspect Brent could have had something to do with it, though ultimately God is the one who had something to do with it.) It was free. X-rays, visit, new bandages. All free. Isn't God so GOOD. I felt like He gave me a special present today. I just wanted to share that with you. And like Brandi's blog, don't be jealous that we are highly favored. Because so are you :)

Avery

This is my baby Avery. She was jumping on the trampoline Thursday night and broke her leg. I am so sad. I pray for a swift recovery. So please pray for my baby :(

Hats Off!

There has been a lot going on in me. It has been kinda jumbled. Hard to get out, ya know. So I will just give a small recap of what has been up with me. So I found out Sat. Night, that we are moving into our new house MAY 1ST. YAY, YAY, YAY, YAY. I am so thrilled. Sometimes when I think about it I just cry. So that is extremely exciting. I will blog more about that later, when I can process more. So, hats off to GOD, for being awesome.

Next, I have the easiest class ever. Have taken about 6 tests, haven't made less than a 96. Well, two of those tests were open book And we don't have to go next week or the next (spring break). And when we come back we have another open book test. Last week class started at 6:30, I took 2 tests and left by 7:20. Too easy. We have a word for this, cakemix. So hats off to Mrs. Torrez.



Next, Billy has been working so hard and crazy hours. But it is really paying off. He has had some great sales and awesome connections. So let's keep praying for the favor of God to rest of Billy's work. So hats off to Billy.





Lastly, I have felt pretty crappy about the BL. I have been working out. Haven't been eating great. Haven't lost one pound. I feel a little hopeless right now. It just seems so far away. I don't have 20 or even 30 pounds to lose. Let's just say, a lot more. So we can shove that hat...



So anyway. That is what is going on with me. It is a little jumbled. Sorry.