Friday, March 30, 2007

Baby Talk -

I have made a decision. Before talk of a new baby came into view, I had a plan. This plan included these things: lose weight and get healthy, go to school and start working some, be more involved with ministry, become excellent at housed stuff and be intentional with my children. I have decided that this talk of having a baby is a distraction. That sounds so terrible. I know. I have battled the feelings of guilt. But I feel like there are some things I am supposed to be doing now and having another baby would throw me off track. I also know that my time is spread thin to my children and another baby would just take more time from the children I have. I am not saying I will never have another baby. Just not now. I feel good about this. I want to offer good things to my family. I feel like I have been a baby factory for 10 years. I want to be the woman God intended me to be. My kids are not the reason I am not, but as we know, babies demand all of you. So this is my decision. After explaining my heart to Billy, he agreed. So on with the plan.

2 comments:

Gail Vinson said...

Great focus! Good thinking and there is nothing to feel guilty about. Right now your family is perfect.

Ashlee said...

This is one of those topics that is so dear to my heart...I'm so incredibly biased...but that said, I'm sure you will make the right decision.

Personally, I'm not really a big advocate of birth control (I could explain why but it would take a long long time) and its been heartbreaking for me that "being fruitful and multiplying" hasn't necessarily come super easy for me. Thats a good deal of why I'm working so hard to limit sugar intake, and lose some weight to be honest. That said, I totally agree with Brandi that you "know" when your quiver is full...I definetely don't feel I am at that place yet...but I also don't know if I ever will be -- we plan to adopt later in life to add to our own brood....I just love commotion, and the idea of a big bustling family. But somehow I think God has put something in me that always has room for one more... Is that wierd? So...I can totally understand that you may not feel satified with the "number" of your family...but I also know that it's hard to put the rest of your life on hold for having babies. Just a few things to think about -- having another baby wouldn't necessarily mean you couldn't continue on with your plan. But it is hard and would take a lot of discipline. Don't feel guilty if its not for you -- you know what your family needs... I guess what I'm trying to say is that you are obviously torn about what you really want to do...keep praying about it.

Also, just a side note -- I've found that I most want new babies when I'm getting through a disappointment. It's like the excitement of a new pregnancy and baby takes the sting off the pain. (Kind of like -- I can't have xyz but I sure am blessed!) So...you may even want to "work the plan" and see how you are feeling in a month or two. You are a young woman!