"Twas the Night Before Christmas -

It is late, I am waiting for one more little girl to go to sleep so I can put the finishing touches on the Christmas presents. But, while I wait I have thought about how blessed I really am. I have a wonderful husband, 5 beautiful and healthy little girls, my needs are all met, I am beginning a promising career as a writer, I love my church body, I have some of the best friends a girl could want, and Jesus is crazy about me. God is forever exceeding my expectations. Every time I think, "There is no way," or "I don't see how it can work out," God comes through again. You would think I would quit thinking those absurd thoughts. But, as I take inventory of my life I am left with the wonderful assurance that God loves me and He is good. These two statements are what I want to base my life from. If I never believed anything but these two things, life would be good. I know it is early for new year's resolutions, but I already have a few. So here are some things I want for 2009:

*To live everyday from "God is good and He loves me."
*To write something everyday.
*To love more deeply than I ever have.
*To concentrate on the important things and let the fluff fall away.
*To take care of what has been given to me in the most excellent way.
*To let go of all bitterness, pain, wounds, disappointments and unmet expectations.

I am sure there is more. But this is more than enough to keep me busy through at least April.

Well, I am off to finish up. Blaise is finally asleep. I pray that God blows every one of your expectations away with His goodness.

Blaise's Angel -

Last night we were winding down for the night. The three older girls were all asleep. I was feeding Maddie a bottle when Blaise walked into the living room. She has something in her hand, but I couldn't tell what it was. Blaise is getting to the age that she doesn't do crazy dangerous things anymore. She is three now and she is smart, so I don't worry so much anymore. But, last night, she gave me quite a shocker. She came around the couch and told me "Mom, look what I did." I got up and looked and she had stuck a metal key into an outlet in the living room. Now, mind you, it had outlet covers on it. She just stuck it in under it and stuck it right into the outlet. In the outlet that just happens to be the only outlet in the house that doesn't work. I then proceeded to freak out and scare her until she cried, which wasn't my plan, I was just so overwhelmed with what could have happened. I put Maddie to bed and just held Blaise for a long time. She calmed down and informed me that I was "in big trouble" for scaring her. I apologized again, but thought to myself it was worth it if she would never do that again.


Thank you Jesus for always protecting my children. Your blood is enough!

Billy George Hafner IV

So, if I were to have had a boy, do you think this is what he would have looked like?

** For those of you who are not sure, this is Maddie with blue pj's and paci **

The battle of the century!

Good evening everyone. Welcome to the fight we have all been waiting for. I am Bob, along with my fellow announcer, Jim.

In this corner weighing in at 450 pounds, consisting of 12 loads of white, darks, jeans, colors, greys/tans and towels is the the dreaded laundry. In this corner, weighing, none of your beeswax, is Francesca.

Now, Jim, Francesca may have a poor record against this competitor, but I think she has potential. She has only won 120 out of the 46,831 times they have met, but this could be her day.

Ding!!!

As the bell rings we see Francesca coming out swinging, but she has had a problem with her stamina in the past. We will see if she has improved any. Now the laundry's biggest defense is it's sheer mass. It has the ability to make the bravest of fighters cower in the corner, thumb in mouth, in the fetal position.

Ding!!!

Now, in Round 1, Francesca managed to take out the easiest in the laundry's arsenal, the jeans and towels, but let us see if she can manage the colors. It is amazing how many little shirts can fit into one load, Bob. She is trying to get ready for the next round. Here is where we have seen her go downhill. Let's see what she has got left.

Ding!!!

She is getting winded, I am not sure she has enough gas to see it through. Oh, and she goes down. Well, that was a short fight, Jim. I thought she would make it to the 3rd round. But this TKO was brutal. She will have to spend ALL her spare time training for the rematch.

Better luck to her next time.

Life -

Things have been pretty quiet in blogville. I have missed reading about what is going on in your lives. So here are a few things going on here.

My mom is doing better and then again she isn't. The tumor is gone and her chemo is done. She only has about five radiation treatments left. But she is back in the hospital again. She couldn't keep any liquids down or any of her medicine yesterday so I took her back to the hospital and she will be there until tomorrow. I fully believe that she is healed. I am just ready for her treatments to be finished so she will begin to feel better again. It is hard seeing her so weak and tired all the time. But it won't be long until she is better than before.

The fast is going pretty good. I have had many victories and a couple of defeats. But over all it has been good for me. I am determined to stop living by what feels good or even right. I will not be ruled by anything but the love of God. I am on a mission to learn to be completely satisfied with the Lord. Not food or entertainment, not praise of man or positions. I want to know what it is to be satisfied only by God. I can take comfort during this time in Hebrews 2:17-18

"Therefore, He had to be made like His brethren in all things that He might become a merciful and faithful high priest in things pertain to God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. For since He Himself was tempted in that which He has suffered, He is able to come to the aid of those who are tempted."

Jesus partook in humanity so I could partake in divinity. Amazing.

Maddie is getting so big. She is sitting up and eating off of her highchair tray. She is saying dada and other sounds. She loves her sisters and is a joy to our family. People have told me that she brings peace to those who hold her. Madeline means high tower. I declare that she will be a place of refuge for those who need it.

Billy is amazing. I can't put it in this post because there is too much to tell. I am finding in this twelfth year of marriage things I have wanted from the beginning. The way of the Kingdom is peculiar indeed. He who loses his life will find it. He who gives will receive. It is a paradigm that I want to know in a deeper way.

For those of you who haven't heard, the house inspection came back a disaster. So, I will continue to wait. I am cool with it. I just want God's will in God's timing.

Sunday night training has been really good. I can see every week, people's lives being changed by the prophetic. It really is powerful. There are words that I have gotten that will be nuggets I stand on for years to come.

So, there are some updates. Not anything really new, just life.

30 years old!!!

Well, yesterday was my 30th birthday. First I had Coffee, with no coffee, with my friends. I then did laundry and cleaned house all day and got ready for Marriage Life Group. It looked to be just like any other day. I noticed the first curious thing when Billy asked me what I was going to wear to life group. I thought this was an interesting question, but I just thought maybe Kathy was planning a little something so I dressed up a little. So, Chass got to the house to keep the kids, and I gathered up my notebooks and stuff for life group and walked outside and there was a LIMO!! Can you believe how sweet Billy Is. Anyway, when I got in the limo it got even better. Pam and Elliott, and Cody and Ashley, were waiting inside for me. We went to the movies and saw Fireproof. It was really good. You have to get by the initial cheesy factor, but after that I really liked it. We went out to dinner and then came home. It was my first official night out without Maddie since she has been born. That is six and a half months. That is a long time. But what a way to do it. I had such a good time. And tonight I have more birthday fun. So this is like a birthday weekend instead of just one day. I am amazed at Billy lately. But that will be another post for another day.

I need a vacation. I have heard it said that getting away is a necessity, running away is stupid. I think if you don't do the first, you end up wanting to do the second. Anyway, I would love to make a break for it. Maybe even just for a few days. If you could go on vacation anywhere, where would it be?

Telemarketers ...sheesh!!

Phone rings. I pick it up and look at it. I don’t recognize the number but decide to answer it anyway.

Me: Hello?

Telemarketer: Hello, may I speak to Billy Hafner?

Me: I’m sorry he is not available, can I help you?

TM: Can you tell me who takes care of the electric bill?

Me: I do.

TM: Great, you are just who I need to talk to. (Like we are best friends) I am with First Choice Electric and I want to talk to you about your electric service.

Now, this guy sounded so excited I thought I would go with it for a while and see where we ended.

Me: Okay.

TM: Now, who do you currently have service with?

Me: Reliant.

TM: And do you know if you have a fixed rate or a variable rate.

Me: Ummm … I am not sure…I think a fixed rate.

TM: Well do you think or do you know? (At this point I am thinking this guy is getting a little too cocky.)

Me: Well, I am not sure.

TM: Well, do you have a monthly service change.

Me: I don’t think so.

TM: (Smugly) Then you have a variable rate. Which means they can change you rate from month to month.

Me: Ohh.

TM: I think we can offer you a better rate, can you give me your zip code.

Me: 79510

TM: Okay, give me just a second…oh this is the best rate I have seen all day (I am sure he says that to all the girls) 14.1 cent per kwh.

Me: Okay (as I am sliding over to my computer to pull up my current rates and plans)

TM: You would have a $4.95 charge per month plus being billed for your kwh.

Me: Okay.

TM: So, if you used about 1000 KWH you would have a bill of about $140 per month.

Me: (pulling up my account)

TM: Oh, I’m sorry is that too brainy for you (are you kidding me?)

Me: (deciding I am going to take control of this conversation) No, that is not too brainy for me, I was just thinking that 1000 kwh is an extremely low per month average.

TM: Well that is just an average.

Me: Now tell me, do you have online services?

TM: Oh, you would ask me that, I just started…I think so.

Me: Well do you think or do you know?

TM: (nervous chuckle) Here let me ask…(he is mumbling in the background) yes we do, we have a $3.00 charge to pay by over the Internet or phone.

Me: Do you have other hidden fees applied?

TM: Well, we do have a cancellation fee of $295, if you cancel before your contract is up.

Me: That is pretty steep. So I have a monthly charge and a charge for paying online.

TM: Yes.

Me: I am sorry, what did you say your name was?

TM: Bill

Me: Well Bill, this is my problem, reliant has a rate of 13.5 cents per kwh, no monthly service change and no fee to pay online.

Bill: (laughing) Are you trying to talk me down.

Me: Well, if you are only offering 14.1, I can do better than that with my current provider.

Bill: (still laughing) Are you a used car salesman?

Me: No, I am a stay at home mom, but I do a lot of negotiating.

Bill: Well, I guess you won’t be interested in switching.

Me: No, I guess not.

Bill: Well, okay, I guess that is all, have a good day.

Me: You too!!

Update -

I am so tired of seeing that last post, so I decided I had to write something. So...where to begin.

We are in the process of buying a house, yes again. We are waiting to hear something from the seller's mortgage company. If that goes through and the inspection goes well, it should be a go. But, you know as well as I do, that you never know with us. The house needs some work, but could be a great investment property.

Mom's treatments are going well. She has had hardly any side effects from her Chemo. She should be leaving the hospital tomorrow. She has five rounds of radiation left and one round of chemo left. She will go back into the hospital to do the chemo. During this time she is going to be staying with Gary and Andrea Cheek. They have an extra room and bath. She will have some space and quiet to rest and get well. It was such an amazing thing for them to offer. God is going to bless them tremendously.

We kicked off Sunday night training last night. I though it went well. I received some pretty amazing words. Some that I will remember for the rest of my life. I am looking forward to the next 8 weeks.

Everyday I am further amazed at Brandon's leadership ability. The beauty is that he remains humble and transparent. I love how he empowers people to be their best and wants people to have an outlet. He is not interested in holding people down or insecure about what it means to him if they are successful. He wants them to be successful. Everyone is needed, this is the mentality. I love it.

Had a little scare today. I have had two dreams that I was pregnant. Pam had a dream that I was pregnant. I still haven't started my period from when I had Maddie (sorry boys). Billy's vasectomy is Friday. Would that be ironic or what if I were to find out I was pregnant the week of his surgery. Well, all is well. I am not. I was extremely relieved.

We are going through Marriage Life Group. We just started and I have found more things coming to the surface in my heart than I have in a long time. I think it is good though. I want to have a heart that is more concerned about meeting my husbands needs than my own. I know when I truly do this, all my needs will be met too. That is just the way God operates. If we are trying to get for ourselves we lose. But if we give of ourselves we will get. It is a great paradigm.

Avery was asked to be the princess in the homecoming procession at Friday Nights game. She will wear a fancy dress and carry the homecoming crown on a pillow for the new queen. She is super excited. Paige is also going to that game with a boy and his parents. Yikes, I know. We know them well and he is a sweet boy. But we have made it clear they are not boyfriend/girlfriend. But he did buy her a mum.

It has been a pretty hard last few weeks. Billy has been working out of town and with mom gone I have been a single mother. Just a shout out to the single moms I know, Jennifer and Amanda, I don't know how you do it. I only had to do it for two weeks and that was plenty. I pray God would give you strength and endurance to be both mom and dad.

Well, Me and Billy turn 30 on Oct 23 and Nov 29, respectively. I am excited about my 30's. I am believing they are going to be better than my 20's.

Well, laundry is calling my name. I should answer it. That is some of the things going on here.

Faith -

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

For those of you who have not heard - My mother had some tests ran and got back an initial bad report. We are waiting to hear about a biopsy and a ct scan. I am asking all of you to put every bit of faith you have in prayer for her. We hope to hear something soon. I am praying for a good report. Please join me.

Thanks

***Update - Mom got a call with the results. It tested positive for cancer. She will start having app. and treatments almost immediately. Please continue to pray.

I need a miracle in the coming months. I need the heavens to open and the glory and the favor of the Lord to rest on Billy and I. I need resource and laborers and healing and open doors and relationships mended and blessings. I need God to come thru big for me. I am looking forward to telling you how He does it.

Suckfest!!

Computer crashed. Not very conducive for this aspiring writer.

Bring the Rain!!

It was Friday, cloudy, as I listlessly surfed the Internet. I used to sit down at my computer with anticipation at what would pour out of me. But lately, every time I sat down and looked at my screen … nothing. I was frustrated and felt very dry in this area. As I scrolled through house plans on houseplans.com, my phone let out a familiar beep. I turned it over and to my surprise saw Aaron Laughlin’s number. That’s not right; I thought to myself, he is in California at the School of the Prophets conference. But it was Aaron, and this is what the text message said:

“Holy Spirit, I call on you to pull out the creative writing ideas in Fran today! You will step out of the dryness today and into the rain, that is the word of the Lord.”

As I read these words something broke over me, I wept into my hands as the feelings of lethargy fell off of me. I looked out the window, wanting to run out in the rain. I wanted this oppressiveness to be washed off of me. I wanted the weight of the message that couldn’t get out, to be rinsed off of my shoulders. But, the clouds had begun to clear and it looked like no rain in sight.

I opened the current thing I was writing. I looked at it with determination. With the guidance of the Holy Spirit I began typing had more done in ten minutes than I had accomplished in the past 3 months.

As I typed I continued to look out the window, waiting for a rain drop to fall. But as more time passed, the bluer the sky got. Then, my phone beeped again, Aaron said this:

“I had a picture of you actually dancing in the rain. Next time it rains I think there is something prophetic there.”

I felt that very thing. I responded with:

“Just waiting for the first drop!”

But as the night went on, there was no rain. As I laid my head on my pillow I thought of rain. And as I drifted off to sleep I dreamt of myself dancing in the rain.

I looked at the clock in my room. It said 9:24 am. It was so dark; I had slept later than I had planned. I laid there for a minute until my ears recognized the familiar pitter pat on my metal roof. It was raining. I jumped up and got dressed. I opened the door and what welcomed me was wonderful. In the weeks of summer, with highs around 100, everyday, it was a cool 65 degrees outside with a steady rain falling. I stepped out of the dryness of my home onto my wet porch. I spread my arms wide and threw my head back as the rain poured over my face. I ran down the stairs into the puddles awaiting me, and as a child, splashed through each of them. I thanked the Lord for the rain, and that I was not made to live in the desert. I declared and prophesied over myself and thanked God that the wells within me would never run dry. I would always have something to write about. As I twirled and splashed around, ignoring the cars driving by, I began to feel the weight slide off. I was sure it ended up in the muddy puddles at my feet. Before too long three of my five daughters were out splashing around with me. As we danced and twirled we prayed and prophesied over each other and others in my family. I prophesied greatness over each of them and myself and Billy.

Bailey jumped in to each puddle with gusto. She squished in through her toes and soon her fingers. As she pranced around covered in rain and mud she said that Blaise would be a great leader. Paige would sing songs to people and they would know God was real and good. Billy was a king among men. Avery would love the Lord always. We would have a great house where people would come. Grandma’s paintings would go all over the world and would be joy to the world.

After about 30 minutes, we were wet and a little cold, but invigorated. The rain began to pick up and the wind howled. Blaise began to shiver a little and I knew our time was done. Avery took one more run through, as we rinsed off our muddy feet. You could still see muddy holes, shaped like feet, scattered through the front drive. As I looked out into that mud I thought of how they would probably remember this moment for years to come. And one day, maybe they would take their own children by the hand and jump through mud puddles until they were too tired to do it again. Then maybe they would take their own kids in the house and wrap them with robes and tell them they were robes of royalty. And them maybe they would make them the most chocolaty hot chocolate ever.

I really hope so!

Hey, listen up!!

Over at 5 minutes for mom I entered Brandi to win something. So scoot on over, scroll through the comments. They say to comment on the one you think should win. I want her to be blessed beyond all belief. So, get to commenting!

Photo Contest

I am entering a summer photo contest!! Check it out here! Vote for meeeee!!!

Stuff -

So, "stuff" has been going on. When "stuff" is going on, I want to know what is up. I hate to be on the peripheral of "stuff". You know, you get an inkling here and maybe an idea here, but you really don't know what is going on. It is easy to get caught up in the "stuff". But here are a few verses I have been meditating on the last few days.

Proverbs 10:19 "When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise."

Proverbs 11:13 "He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy conceals a matter."

Proverbs 12:18 "There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."

Proverbs 15:18 "A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but the slow to anger pacifies contention."

Proverbs 17:9 "He who covers transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates intimate friends."

Proverbs 15:28 "The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things."

All these verses have led me to "check" my heart. I want to be a person who is wise and righteous and soothes instead of inflames. I want all the words out of my mouth to bring life and healing. I don't want to be the one sinking ships if you know what I mean. So, no matter what "stuff" is going on, I want to not be moved. To any I have hurt, I repent. I want the meditations of my heart and the words from my lips to be pleasing to the Lord.

Yearn, Faint, Cry -

Okay, here is what you do. Go to itunes. Then go to itunes store. Then go to podcasts. Then enter in Yearn Faint Cry. Then you subscribe to this podcast. Then, once you get access to all available podcasts you scroll down. Then you continue to scroll down. Then you stop at a 4 part series by Mike Bickle called The Power of a Focused Life. Then you download them. Then you listen to the first session and get convicted, then your life gets changed. Then you put it on your NEW IPOD (Yipeeee) and listen to it again and again and again until in becomes manifested truth in your life. (the first session, that is, I haven't got to the next three because I am soaking up the first). I learned some powerful things from this podcast.

I will say, to some of you who are extremely organized and scheduled this may be nothing. But to us who are little, say, crappy at time management, it will be profound. Even if you are fairly good at it, this will spur you on to a new level of excellence.

Enjoy!!

Gifts & Surprises!!!

Yesterday I got a wonderful Gift and Surprise from Aaron and Rachel Laughlin. Now they would never want me to draw attention to them ... but that is exactly what I am doing because they are flipping awesome. So, anyway this is what I got!!

I am so excited. So, thank you Lord for gifts and surprises and terrific friends!!

Messin' me up!!

This song is messin' me up! Every time I hear it a little more fear breaks off of me.

I tried to upload the video, but no dice. So here is the link.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=JoC1ec-lYps

Here are the lyrics

He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane
I am a tree
Bending beneath
The weight of His wind and mercy

When all of the sudden
I am unaware of these
Afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful you are
And how great your affections are for me

And oh, how He loves us, oh
Oh, how He loves us
How he loves us, oh

He is our portion
And we are His prize
Drawn to redemption
By the grace in His eyes
And if grace is an ocean
We're all sinking

So heaven meets earth
Like a sloppy wet kiss
My heart turns violently inside my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about, the way

He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves ...

I need you!!!

I have a question for all of you. I would really appreciate a response.

What do you do to to relax or for pure enjoyment.

See, I believe that my high stress level is contributing to this ailment. I began to realize, I don't know what makes me relaxed. I have lots of things I have to do. Plenty of things I want to do. I serve of two different advisory boards at church. I am Kathy's prayer assistant. I lead Intercessory prayer on Tuesdays. I meet with Brandon every week on a project we are working on. I meet with Kathy and Ashley every week. I have coffee twice a week at my house with friends and another time with the women's ministry team. (Which I do enjoy, but I wouldn't call it relaxing) I try to do lunch on Thursday's (not always, sorry). I also have five kids, and one still attached to my hip (or boob), a husband, a unfinished book, a house to clean, groceries to buy, and 21 loads of laundry per week.

All that being said, I know each and every one of you has a list as long or longer. So my question again.

If you had a free day, a little cash, what would you do. Pure fun, stress relieving activities.

On the lighter side of things ...

I know I have sounded a little melancholy lately. So I thought I would post some pictures of some of my children . . . sleeping in strange places and positions. If this can't cheer a person up, I don't know what can.

Avery, asleep at the table with a chip in her hand.

Maddie hanging almost upside down sleeping.

Blaise, well, I am not sure about this one, but I can assure you that she is really sleeping. This last one is just because I love it.

Worthy is the Lord!!

The theme during worship today seemed to be this - Holy is the Lord, Worthy is the Lord. We sang at least four different songs and this was the reoccurring sentiment. God is Holy. God is Worthy. God is worthy of my praise. It is easy to say this when things are good. Not so much when things aren't. When circumstances are good we worship God because of those circumstances. When things are bad we are supposed to worship God in spite of our circumstances. I have found a few things out the last few weeks.

I can be an ungrateful brat.
God is not bothered by that.
I am guilty of worshiping because of, not in spite of.

Here are some things I have repented of.

For judging God.
For trying to manipulate God
(You know when you want something and your husband says no. So you pout, in the hopes, that he will feel bad and give you what you want. Don't act like you haven't done it. That is manipulation. And I tried it on God. And guess what, it doesn't work. On Billy either)
For withdrawing my trust.
For withdrawing from relationship.
For doubting.

God is Holy and God is worthy of all my love, adoration, and praise. Not because of any reason but who He is. And He is good. All. The. Time!!

Trust and Betrayal

Well, I have decided to drop a heavy on blogville. I figure no one is reading anyway. Well, where to begin. May 14th seems like a good place. The day before the BFW I was left with a tough decision. I had to choose what I wanted or what was better for the whole. I would like to say I easily choose to do what was better for the whole, but it was a bit of a struggle. But in the end I heard God, made the hard choice, but was pleased that I passed the "love test". The very next day my left ear began ringing. The headaches start. I went through many phases. Angry that it would not go away. Scared that something was seriously wrong with me. Annoyed that my life was interrupted. And at last I settled on feeling betrayed. I felt betrayed by God. Here I was making difficult decisions, passing tests and this is what I get. Now, mind you, it has taken almost six weeks to uncover those feelings. If you would have asked me if I trusted God, I would have answered unequivocally YES. But did I really? Do I really? Here I am six weeks later. Doctors have looked, prescribed medicine, taken blood, ran tests. People have prayed over. I have declared over and yet, the ringing continues. The headaches aren't as bad. Actually yesterday was the first day in 38 days I haven't had a headache.

So here I am. Realizing there are some areas I don't trust God in. There I said in out loud. If I fully trusted God, I wouldn't be so fearful or insecure, would I? Now, I will say I know it is crazy. I have a blessed life. I know (in my head) that God is always good. I have dealt with disappointments. Yet, there is always a shadow on the edge. Every good thing has a lingering shadow. Will something bad happen. I know God loves me, but when it comes down to it, he loves ____ more. If someone is going to get the short end of the stick it is going to be me. (These are all lies I have believed)

So yesterday it came to a head. God wants me to trust Him. I left church giving up all my expectations. You see, I have had plans and expected things to be a certain way. For my comfort and my pleasure. And when my expectations haven't been met I was disappointed. I left saying "God, I give up control." In every area God is wanting my trust. But, I will honestly saying it wasn't a joyous experience. I felt heavy and dry.

Last night I listened to a sermon on Bethel's website by Danny Silk called Trust and Betrayal. He put worlds to everything I was feeling. So when it was over, after crying and asking for deliverance I had a little Theophostic moment. I realized I was fairly OK when betrayed by people. See they aren't perfect. When I feel wronged in relationship I can always say, "That person hurt me out of their own wounds and insecurities." I can reconcile that. But there have been times when I felt only God could do something and I felt let down.

About 5 years ago I had a miscarriage. The Monday I went to the doctor and my levels were low, all I could do was pray. And when I miscarried that Saturday I believed a lie of, "You are alone. You have to take care of yourself." So I found the lie, I asked God what the truth was. I saw a picture of Jesus tossing up a little baby boy who was perfect and happy in heaven. I don't know why things happened the way they did, all I know is now, right now, he is in perfection. For some reason, I don't think he would have been here.

So here I am. I am walking through this process. I wanted to just hold it all in and at the end of this tell my victorious testimony. But here I am in the middle. Walking it out. Struggling. But here are some things I know to be true:

I love the Lord with all my heart.
I want to trust Him with everything that concerns me.
I believe when this is over I will.
I have a good life.
God is okay with my questions.
I will see my healing manifest. (Thanks Aaron, you are so right!)
God only has the best for me.
God loves me more than I can ever know.

So, here is where I am. Maybe the lull will remain and no one will see this post. And I can pretend like this never happened.

Pictures -

Here are some pictures I have taken lately.

Pretty Maddie sleeping!!

Billy and Maddie taking a little nap!!


Avery turned 4 on June 18th

Mom has been painting wheat. So she had me take some pictures.

The Prayer House!!! It is beautiful!!

There is more going on right now. I am just not ready to write about it yet. So for now, this is all I can give you. More will come later.

Francesca

The Shack, Page 142

"Why do I have so much fear in my life?"

"Because you don't believe. You don't know that we love you. The person who lives by their fears will not find freedom in my love. I am not talking about rational fears regarding legitimate dangers, but imagined fears, and especially the projection of those into the future. To the degree that those fear have a place in your life, you neither believe I am good nor know deep in your heart that I love you. You sing about it; you talk about it, but you don;t know it."

Francesca looked down once more at the water and breathed a huge sigh of the soul. "I have so far to go."

***********************************************

Lord, deliver me from all my fears. Help me to know your love and goodness without shadow. Help me to trust without reserve. Help me!!!

The Shack -

People use the word life-changing a lot and normally in the wrong place. "That cheesecake was life-changing!" or "This stain-remover will change your life." Whatever. But I will tell you I read a book this weekend that has changed my life. Or it would be more appropriate to say, is changing my life.

The Shack. Read it. You won't be sorry.

There will be more to come on this. I am almost too full to pour it out!

Happy Birthday Pam!!

So, obviously it is a little past Pam's birthday. But, nonetheless, we are having a birthday dinner, in her honor. Friday, May 30th, 6:45, Carino's. Let me know if you will be able to make it. And to close, here a a few things I love about my Pam.

Pioneer
Artsy
Maternal
Excited
Lovable
Awesome Cook

Planner
Almost 40!!
Ravishing
Kind

What do you love about Pam?

Happy Birthday!!

Maddie is six weeks old today. It goes by so fast. I love her so much!!

I need a new shirt!

I need a new t-shirt that says this:

Yes, they are all mine! Yes, they are all girls!

Catch Up!!

For Paige's 11th birthday we had a sleepover at the Elegante Hotel. Paige invited five friends. Alexis is missing in this picture because she had a Girl Scouts thing. They had so much fun.

They went swimming!!

We made frappicino's and they went up and down the elevators!!

And, of course, they had a pillow fight!!

Moving on ... Bailey had a program for school. She was an elephant. At work that day Billy tweaked his back. After sitting still for the entire program when we got up to leave his back locked up. We had to get Trish, our resident RN, to come to Billy's aid. And during this time that Billy couldn't move, Blaise peed on the floor. So that was an eventful night. (BTW, Billy went to the chiropractor, he is fine.)

We sold the Suburban!! Hallelujah!!

My dad came into town because...

My beautiful, talented, genius, hardworking sister graduated from HSU with her Master's.

So Mom and Diane Horner threw her a party!!

And Maddie has started to smile...

and has really cute feet!!

Beautiful!!

Boys cleaning the kitchen. It is a beautiful sight!!

I'm Sorry!!

When I was about 13 I was in all-star cheerleading. We were training to go to Nationals in Dallas. Days spent doing standing backhandsprings and toe-touches to perfection left one in pretty good shape. I was 13 but looked about 16 or 17. Our uniforms were green, blue and white and we were the Cats. (A few years later Dustin Hawk cut the sides of that uniform to wear for Halloween but that is another story)

Looking back, I am not sure how my mother managed to pay for such an elite elective, but at the time I neither wondered not cared.

So I pack my bags, including the staple of hair ribbons and Asics, and we were off. The first night we got to Dallas we were taken to the Galleria for a evening of fun. We all split up and were told to meet back at ?:00. Me and a few friends walked around wishing we had money for clothes, laughing at the weirdies, and of course checking out any cute guys. And, of course, I found one. He was cute, with sandy brown hair that fell over his eyes and he was 17. We began to "talk", which meant I flirted and teased and he ate it up. I found I liked that feeling of power over the opposite sex. So, when it was time to go he asked where we were staying and what we would be doing tomorrow. I told him we were in town for Nationals and we would be cheering at ?:00. When I got back to the hotel he called our room. I began to find him a little annoying, already. So, we talked for a while and I made up some excuse about having to get some sleep for tomorrow and hung up. The next day, I began to hope he wouldn't find me among the huge throng of people. I was coming down an escalator and lo and behold right at the bottom looking up at me, there he was.

Shoot!!

So we cheered, he followed. Later, we found a place to sit and watch the other teams compete. He wanted to hold my hand, I wanted to escape. So, I did what every stupid 13 year old girl would do. I told him I had to go to the bathroom . . . and never went back. Can you believe that. How rude was I. Apparently during the 24 hours we knew each other I gave him my home address, because about three weeks later I received a letter. He was hurt by my escape and as he sped away from the arena he got a ticket for speeding, to add injury to insult. He wasn't sure what he did wrong and was hoping I would write back, which of course I didn't.

As I thought back to this story, I wondered how or if this experience shaped him. How long did he sit and wait before he realized I wasn't coming back? Did he feel rejected, embarrassed? Did this affect any future relationships?

What leads a girl to hurt someone like this? Stupidity!

So, to the guy I left in a dark arena over 16 years ago. Sorry!!

My sentiments exactly!!

I was reading Jenni's blog today. Jenni gave birth to her 12th child the week after I had Maddie. She wrote a beautiful post that expresses my feelings exactly. It is entitled:

Stupid is as stupid does!!
By: Jenni

I used to be a moron.

Not that I can now claim to have completely escaped from the tangled web of morony, but from at least one thread I have won my freedom.

This sticky, deceitful thread was the one entitled "newborns are boring".

In years long past, I would gaze upon the face of my infant child and sigh at their helplessness. I wanted them to DO something. When would they smile? When would they sit up? When would they crawl? I checked the books and chafed at the interminable time it would take before they would be entertaining.

Moron. Card-carrying. Certifiable.

When they would curl their bodies into tight little balls as they lay upon my chest, drawing their feet up and tucking in their arms, a chrysalis of humanity encapsulated between my collar bone and navel...I didn't find that particularly wondrous.

When their heads would lift off my chest, bobbing and weaving, eyes wide with unfocused wonder and mouths in tiny o's of surprise, struggling to study my features before burrowing back into my neck in exhaustion...I didn't think that was terribly interesting.

When they would twitch and squeak as they slept, eyes darting under delicate lashes as they sailed their ship of dreams, smiling suddenly, breath puffing out in the heh-heh-heh of a Lilliputian laugh as angels stood at the helm and told them of the adventures they would have together..I did not stand in amazement.

When they would wake in the night, nuzzling and searching for comfort, flailing and furious at the sensation of hunger, knowing somehow exactly how to be satisfied: nurse, swallow, breathe, repeat...I never saw the miracle before me.

But slowly, so slowly...I have learned. I have cut away the sticky demands, the tangle of impatience, the ignorant blinders that kept me from seeing all that my infants were.
They were fascinating. From the curl of their fists to their wrinkled soles, amazing. At two weeks (+!), my newborn has already changed monumentally from when I first laid eyes upon him. He does not smell like the breezes of heaven anymore, but of Burt's Bees Baby Wash. He does not wear the infintesimal speck of size NB any longer. The cord has shrivelled and gone. Every day, he grows (faster, I think, than any baby has before).

I sit and rock him, and stare. I do not want him to sleep so that I can "get something done". I do not hasten to lay him in his bed as soon as he is finished nursing. I do not wonder how long it will take him to smile at me in recognition. I kiss his wizened little old-man hand and do not want it to fill out into six-month plumpness. I am cherishing his tinyness. And I cry for the infancies that I wished away, in ignorance and impatience.

I wish I could have them back, just for an hour, to treasure them for all that they already were.

In this respect, at least, I am no longer a moron.

Here is what is going on here!!

Well, I will start by saying I am finally getting back into the swing of things. It has been a bit of an adjustment. I won't say it has been easy, but it has been worth it. I think one of the reasons I was able to adjust so quickly was all the amazing wonderful friends around me. Pam organized meals for me for a couple of weeks. (Thank you, Pam, Amy, Krissy, Kelly, Cherith, Kristy, Ashley, Kathy, Brenda, Cyndi, Rachel) Amy, Krissy and Ashley all took Blaise and Avery on different days. This was amazingly helpful. Pam picked up my kids from school quite a bit. Brandi sent me a wonderful card. You are the best friends anyone could ask for. I have felt sooooo loved by you!! All the times you were doing those things, I got to sit around and look at this...


I caught her first "accidental" smile!!

We had a birthday party at the YMCA for Bailey!!

Here is the sweet birthday girl. She is 8 now!!

Yes, I am rocking the bows on Maddie!! I love them, why didn't I do this with the first four!!

We had our first real bath!!

And ... the piece de resistance... I think she might have curly hair. You have all seen Billy, how have I not had a curly-headed little girl before now. Here's hoping!!

Anyway, those are a few things going on here!!

Avery

This is beautiful Avery. She is three and 3/4. She is fun and smart and more things than I can name. But, another thing she is, is talkative. She is always talking, but more specifically, talking to me. And I must at all times keep eye contact. If my eyes roam at all, she will start over from the top. Everyday is filled with more questions than I can answer, more stories than I can remember, and more idle chatter than you would imagine. These traits are probably very significant to her destiny, but right at this moment, it makes me a little tired.

Life as usual?

Well, things are getting back to normal around here . . . kinda. A little less sleep for me, but I can't seem to care. I just love Madeline so much. Even at 3am when I am nursing her, I can't even be put out. I am so in love with her. And thinking back a few months ago, with all my heart I wanted a little boy. It seems so strange now. I couldn't imagine not having her. I couldn't imagine our family any different than 5 little girls. It just seems so ... right, ya know. God really is so smart.

The girls are crazy about her. I have to spend a lot of time shielding her from an onslaught of hugs and kisses. I am trying to make her available to them, but not let them have free access to her. It has been a little tricky. Especially with Blaise and Avery. There are quite a few mamas in this house. Blaise has actually had a little bit of a rough patch. She is a little more emotional and frustrated. She has had some potty accidents. I am just trying to love her and assure her that she has not been replaced.

For any readers out there who don't go to our church. This week we got a amazing phone call. Someone wanted to pay our student loans off. Out of the blue. The biggest debt that we have. The lid that has been over us for our entire marriage. The thorn in our side that constantly plagued us. The debt, that in the natural, we could not pay off. $28, 206. 47. Yes, almost $30,000. God is so good. I have been overwhelmed with God's goodness. It doesn't matter what we do, he can be nothing but good.

So, that is what is going on here. A lot of nursing and staring at Madeline. And being very thankful!!

Madeline Grace Hafner!!!

Love, logic and the rod!!

There has been lots of talk about different types of discipline lately. I will be the first to tell you I don't have all the answers. But I ran across this today and I thought it was pretty amazing.

21 Rules of this household!!!

1. We obey God.
2. We love, honor and pray for one another.
3. We tell the truth.
4. We consider one another's interests ahead of our own.
5. We speak quietly and respectfully with one another.
6. We do not hurt one another with unkind words or deeds.
7. When someone needs correction, we correct her in love.
8. When someone is sorry, we forgive her.
9. When someone is sad, we comfort her.
10. When someone is happy, we rejoice with her.
11. When we have something nice to share, we share it.
12. When we have work to do, we do it without complaining.
13. We take good care of everything that God has given us.
14. We do not create unnecessary work for others.
15. When we open something, we close it.
16. When we take something out, we put it away.
17. When we turn something on, we turn it off.
18. When we make a mess, we clean it up.
19. When we do not know what to do, we ask.
20. When we go out, we act just as if we were in this house.
21. When we disobey or forget any of the 21 Rules of This House, we accept the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

I want my house to operate like this. Which, of course, has to start with Billy and I. I think if we could press the first 20, the last one would be the easiest of all. Instead of starting with how do we discipline, do it backwards. Make discipline the exception when the first 20 don't get done. Anyway, like I said . . . I am no expert on children. Having a lot doesn't make you qualified, it just makes you need the Lord more. I know God is bringing us to a new and better way concerning this topic. Just thought I would share.

Reader's Discretion Advised!!

Last week I went to the doctor on Wednesday. He checked me and said I wasn't dilated or effaced at all and he couldn't feel the baby's head and he thought she might be breech. So after all that encouraging news I really had to pray. I went back today and he did a sono. He said she was head-down. She had dropped some. He could feel her head. I was dilated to a one. The sono measured her at about 8 and 1/2 pounds right now. I am not sure how accurate those are. And I lost one pound this week. So overall a much more encouraging visit this week. Billy is leaving tomorrow for the BFW. I am scheduled to pre-register on Sunday and at 5 am on Monday I am to be induced. I am praying Sunday I will go into labor on my own. So anyway, this is what is going on with me.

On a side note. I had a wonderful baby shower. Thank you to all who came. I have enjoyed going into my room and just looking at all her stuff.

Sorry to all of you who are tired of hearing about baby stuff. I can't seem to think about anything else right now. You know, with a living person inside of me about to come out. In a few weeks maybe I will have something else to talk about.

Giving Birth -

So this pregnancy has been a very significant one for me. While they were all special in their own way, this one is different. I have felt from early on that this physical pregnancy and birth was spiritually paralleled. I feel, and have been given more than one word, that I am pregnant with ministry. The thing about being pregnant (with anything) is that you can't rush it. You have to wait until everything is developed. Being pregnant with ministry is the same way. You can't rush it. It will not come to pass until everything, (your character, integrity, etc.) is ready. Just like with a baby, if it comes too early there are things that could not be developed fully and the baby may mature at a slower rate, trying to catch up.

I have more to do at my home that I ever have. I have more kids, more laundry, more love to give out, etc. I have more to do at church than I ever have. More with prayer, more with women's ministry, more with life groups, more with BFW, more with writing etc. I have been more tired and stretched than ever. My faith is being stretched, my capacity to hold is being stretched. So, I am at the end of this and this is what I have found.

Being stretch, both physically and spiritually is hard. But if you want to contain something that will live past you it is necessary.

Pregnancy is the easy part, both physically and spiritually. It doesn't feel like it at the time, but there is an end to pregnancy. There is no end to growing up children or ministry.

I remember with every baby wanting so bad to go into labor and then it would start and I would remember how bad it would hurt and I wondered why I was in such a hurry.

After all the labor and crying and pushing is done, you realize you would do it again in a heartbeat.

What I have seen the most is that this isn't just for me. I have seen a stretching and a wrestling in a lot of people. It has made me want to hold up the arms of the women around me but i have found myself to be so totally self involved in my stretching that I haven't done it. But I will say this.

Brandi - You are not forgotten. God sees you and loves you and Miles. You are being stretched and pulled at. Go to the high place with the Lord, everything looks different from up there.

Jennifer - I don't know what is going on with you but God loves you and has not forsaken you. You are not a disappointment or a failure. You can rely on God and the people He has put around you.

Trish - God is bringing you to a new place. You have been stretched and pulled on. Embrace this new birth.

Monica - You are at the end of your own decade long pregnancy. You can finish strong. You are doing what you were created to do. Don't be overwhelmed.

Becky - You are right where God wants you. Throw yourself into this process. God is good and He wants the very best for you and for Bryan.

Ashlee - You are having your own labor pains far away from this body. You were created to give birth. You were created to be fruitful and to multiply. And you will, both physically and spiritually.

Cherith - You are pregnant with a new baby and lots of responsibility. You can do it. You won't be overwhelmed. You will rise to the occasion. You were designed to hold a lot.

Pam - You are also about to birth a 39 year old man out of your house and into His studio. It won't be long and it will all have been worth it.

Rachel - God is birthing ministry ideas, but more importantly He is stretching you in the area of your family. You will respond yes Lord. You will not resist. You will find at the end of the labor, you would do it again.

Mom - You are pregnant with ministry and art. At just the right time it will come. You are in the preparation phase right now. It won't be long.

Anyone else I didn't name specifically, sorry. Just know that whatever God is putting in you or calling out of you, He won't leave you. He is good and that is all I know to say. We all have something of value that needs to be birthed out of us. Let's see the big picture.


Romans 8:18 "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

Hallelujah!!

The burrito burden has been lifted. Billy came home yesterday and fired me. He said he found a replacement. I have never been so happy to be fired. Really it wasn't all that hard, just inconvenient. But now all my energy can go into the laundry. I think to keep it up it will take everything I have.

On another note: Please pray for us. Blaise has another ear infection. Dr. Steadman gave her a shot, put her on steroids (that make her moody:() and on an antibiotic. This is the last step before she has to get tubes. I am really praying that her ears will clear up and with the seasons changing that this will be the end of the ear infections. Also, I am pregnant. Please pray for a fast timely delivery. I am getting ready.

Wake-up Call -

Why is it that it's easy to pass on the junk to our children, but we have to work to pass on the good. Today I noticed how easy kids pick up on our faults.

Paige asked our local librarian, Cindy, if she could come one day a week and help shelve books. Cindy said Fridays from 4-5 would be good. Last week Paige had a school party so she wasn't able to go. So all this week she has been looking forward to her first day of "work". Before I picked up Paige from school I called Cindy to make sure today was still a go. Cindy had some things going on today and said that starting next week would be better. So when I picked up Paige, I had to break the news to her. Now we all know this, in the big scheme of things, is not a big deal. But, it felt very big to her. She was so disappointed. So, I tried to just tell her that she would get to go next week, but she was still extremely upset. She just sat there quiet for a few minutes and then she said something that broke me heart and scared the bejeezes out of me.

She said, "Mom, can we just go by and pick up something from Sonic."

Shut Up!! She has learned to use food for comfort from me. It made me sad and a little scared. I tried to explain that we can't look to things like that for comfort, she just nodded her head but I am not sure it got through. How easy do they do what we do. I am going to have to really be proactive in this area. Not only not allowing myself to find comfort in food, but retraining me and her about food. I am also going to have to spend some major time interceding and speaking life over this area of both of our lives. Paige is so beautiful and full of life. I would hate to see my shortcoming cause her to miss out on one second of the glorious life God has for her.

I believe God is calling me to deal with this issue once and for all. And apparently one of the biggest tools he is using is my ten year old daughter. Pray for us!!

For your viewing pleasure!!

Ahh! Paige's headgear! She is being very diligent. Just thought you would like to see! Only 5 more months, 20 more days, 7 more hours and 38 seconds until she is done.

Mondays!!

Well, it is Monday again. I just wanted to pay homage to a day unlike any other. Here are just a few things I have said I will do or start on a Monday.

Start eating healthy
Get all the laundry done and put away
Clean out my fridge
Organize the bills
Tweeze my eyebrows
Exercise
Plan out meals for the whole week
Pray for one hour a day
Drink more water
Organize something, or everything for that matter
Blog

But, what usually happens is that Monday is spent trying to recuperate from the weekend. Why do we always say we are starting things on Monday. I think this Thursday I will start something. Maybe I will take up origami, or wipe all the little grubby fingerprints off my DVDs. Who knows? Anyway, this is my tribute to Monday.

Maddie Jane Hafner

That is the name. Madeline Jane Hafner. And NO, we will not be calling her MJ. I think Maddie Jane is pretty cute. I knew there were some of you out there that were having trouble concentrating on anything, not knowing the middle name and all. I just wanted to end the agony. Proceed people with your normal lives. No longer must you stare at the computer screen waiting for an updated blog from me. I have spoken.

Well, obviously I am just kidding. You probably haven't given it a second thought. I just thought I would share.

I finally finished all the BFW talks. Hallelujah!!! I didn't know what a big project that was going to be. I loved every minute of it. I am just glad I got it all finished. I emailed the last one and now I have 76 minutes to rest before I have to start preparing for the Rev 5:8 conference.

I am 34 weeks pregnant. Only six weeks left. I want to finish with some shred of dignity. I know if I allow myself I will end this pregnancy a pathetic pile of whining crying mess. I go to the Dr. on Monday. I am a little afraid. I was so excited about only gaining 1 pound last month. I think I celebrated a little too much, with too much cake. I had only gained 12 pounds up until then. We'll have to see what the scale holds for me next week. I really don't care that much.

Please pray for us. We are still waiting on some info about the house. Also, with the baby coming, paying for baby stuff and hospital stuff and Vasectomy stuff and wanting to move in the next month or so, we could use some favor from heaven (in the form of money). I don't want to be moved by circumstances, though, God has all I need. But I would love your prayers.

Well it has been awhile. There have been a few things going on.

Billy had his "V" consultation. It was pretty quick. But I will say it was a little awkward when they told him to drop his pants. I guess that is how men feel when the go to the ob/gyn with their wives. It is just kinda weird. His appointment for the actual procedure isn't until March 28. I am not sure how he feels about me revealing this. But I am just so excited (that is kinda creepy, huh)

The house situation is moving along. We have had some very good news. We are waiting for one more thing to fall into place before we can take the next step. But I really think this is the one. I am really hopeful. I will let you know something when we know something.

Mom is leaving in the morning for Bethel's Prophetic Arts Conference. She is pumped (not sure she would use this word) Pray for safe travel and increased anointing. I am also praying she will make some connections for her future.

I have another Dr. appointment on next Monday. Then I start going every two weeks. Only about 7 weeks left til little Madeline gets here.

Our life group has been going well. I think God is blessing it. I pray soon we will have more room for more people.

Took Bailey to the DR. today. She has been diagnosed with the flu. Pray no one else in our family gets it.

That is all I can muster for now. Hopefully more later. Peace.

Valentine's Day!

I had a terrific Valentine's day. Good friends, good food, good movie. Billy gave me a beautiful plant and a sweet card and a CD I have wanted forever. Bryan Adams Greatest Hits. Now this has all the greats: Summer of '69, Everything I Do, Please Forgive Me, and many more. I absolutely love it. He even bought Mom something, too. He was very sweet and thoughtful. How was your Valentine's Day?

Oh, by the way, I have decided on the name Madeline. Still thinking of a middle name.

P.S. Is anyone else having trouble with blogger? I can no longer spellcheck (something Pam will tell you I am in desperate need of) I can't add a picture or anything. The toolbar is gone. What is the deal?

It's the final countdown!!

I went to the doctor yesterday. As most of you already know, I am having another girl. Now, contrary to the last post like this, I was not at all upset by this news. Actually, I went into this appointment expecting a girl. So I was not surprised. In other good news, the baby looked perfect. She was right at 4 pounds. And best of all . . . I only gained 1 pound this month. Yay!! I go back in three weeks and then every two after that. I reminded Dr. Anderson that I didn't want to be induced. So I am praying I go into labor at the perfect time, not over my due date. God must have a very special plan for these five girls. I am not even disappointed, even though there are those of you holding out to see the "taco" before you believe it. You know who you are.

In other news, Billy has his consultation for his "V" on Feb, 21st. So this is, indeed, the last Hafner baby.

So this is the newest news about Hafner Baby number 5. Now... I only have to think of a name.

Faith Like a Child!

Last night, while sitting at dinner, Bailey said she would like for us to spend some time praying for some people. So I asked her who she would like to pray for. She said there is a girl named Kristin at her school. Kristin has Celebral Palsy after difficulties at birth. She is in a wheelchair and has trouble speaking and other things. So, Bailey started to pray for her, and I was blown away by her prayer. She prayed the Krsitin could be brave at school, and prayed that the Lord would bless her. Then she said this: God I know you didn't do this to Kristin, the devil got in the way the day she was born, would you go back to that first day she was born and heal her.

I was amazed. This is why Jesus said have faith like a child. Bailey doesn't doubt God is good. She understands a concept that adults have trouble with. Because we live with disappointments and hurts, we sometimes don't fully believe that God is just only good. She understood that evil comes from the devil and good comes from God. I thought this was amazing.

Lord, help me to have faith like a child. To believe unswervingly that you are good alone. Help me to have a heart to pray Heaven for people. And also, would you go back to that first day the devil got in the way in Novemeber 2004. Heal Miles!!

Catch Up!

It has been a few weeks since my last post, so I will try to catch up.


We have indeed started a life group. It has been good. I am excited about opening our home. It is not a huge group, only about 8 in all, (not counting my kids). But I know God is going to bless it.


I am pretty dern pregnant. I have not been sleeping well. Indegestion, hip and back pain, and just the inability to find a place to fit this big belly. But I only have about 10 weeks left. And since I don't know if it is a boy or a girl I have ZERO baby stuff. Not one diaper or outfit. So, when I do find out, it will be crunch time. My appointment is next Mon. at 1:40. So just one more week until I find out. I am really pumped.


We have had some interesting developments in the house situation. We are supposed to be getting some very important info today. Please pray. This is the first official step. And with the baby coming, it couldn't come at a better time. If we don't move soon, my bath tub may be the new baby's bed and room.


My mother is going to Redding, Ca to a Prophetic Arts conference. I am so excited for her. I believe it is going to be a landmark time in her life. She is so talented, I am excited to see a wonderful gift grow even deeper.


I am still making burritos. It is not terrible, just monotnous. I will be closing the kitchen in a few weeks. If any of you are interested in taking up the burrito position, let me know.


I am doing lots of BFW and Intercessory prayer stuff. God has been showing me so many amazing things. I find so much life and faith well up within me when I am really in the word. It is one of my favorite places to be. Makes me wonder why I ever get out of it.


So anyway, that is a little catch up on what has been going on around here. I will try to post more often.

Life Groups!!

This semester Billy and I are going to have a life group. We have no idea who will come, but we are excited. I may have to get advice from some of you seasoned life group leaders. Billy and I have led one before, but it has been a while. So anyway, pray for us. And spread the word around.

How smart are you?

Hey guys, do this test. Remember, you only have 8 seconds, so it goes really fast. Post your score in my comments. And no cheating!!

http://www.flashbynight.com/test/

This season -

As you can see I have update my blog. Every day. I am embracing this way of life. The last few months I have felt like I was perpetually waiting. Waiting for the house, waiting for ministry opportunities, waiting for a baby. I felt like my life was on hold and I was waiting for the real life to start. I started to look forward to when I am not pregnant anymore, and then I lose this time of wonder. I started to look forward to the time when my kids are older and I have more freedom, then I lose this time when they are so precious and need me so dearly. I started to look forward to the time that I would get to minister on a larger level, then I miss the everyday chances to do so. This type of thinking has kept me from embracing right now. This causes my heart sorrow. I have repented.

So, I have determined that every day I will embrace what is before me. If that is only taking and picking the kids up from school and making breakfast burritos, that is okay. If it is getting in the floor and letting my two babies climb all over me, even better. Because the truth is, what I am doing and building right now may seem small, but is huge in the big picture. This season of being a mom and wife is not minimal. So, whatever it is, I want to do it to the fullest. I am tired of regret from looking back. And it is too hard to look so far in the future that you don't see the present. The timing of the Lord is perfect. I will live today and let God handle tomorrow.

The rest of the declaration -

(This is the second half to the "Jobs and better jobs" declaration)

We are believing you for:

Heaven opened, Earth invaded
Storehouses unlocked, and Miracles created
Dreams and Visions, Angelic Visitations
Declarations and Divine Manifestations
Anointing, Gifting and Calls
Positions and Promotions
Provision and Resources
to go the Nations
Souls and more souls
From every generation
Saved and set free
Carrying Kingdom Revelation

Thank you, Father, that as I join my value system to Yours, You will shower Favor, Blessing and Increase upon me so I have more than enough to co-labor with Heaven and see Jesus get His full reward.

Amen

Another reason I LOVE H-E-B!

Wednesday I did something I don't like to do. I took all four of my kids grocery shopping with me. Silly, yes I know, but we really needed food. So, I had a plan. I rented a little car/basket for the babies to ride in, that Paige would push. And I pushed the big basket. This plan started out a success. The babies were entertained for about 12.5 minutes. Then the wanted out, or fought with each other, or sank down into the dirty floorboard and got stuck, or tried to climb out the front of the car while it was in motion. So I opened a box of fruit snacks and kept a steady stream going to keep them happy. And we shopped and shopped and shopped. Took two different bathroom breaks. And shopped some more. At this time we had been there a little over 2 hours. Both baskets were full and I was tired and the little girls were fussy. At the last bathroom break Paige and Avery were in the restroom and Blaise was really crying. She wanted me to hold her and she kept saying Night-Night. She was tired and not feeling good. (I found out yesterday she had an ear infection) So I was trying to hold and console her over my ever-growing belly. And then it happened.

**The heavens open and the hallelujah chorus plays**

A worker says to me, "Why don't you let me push your basket to the check out so you can hold your baby?"

I agree and we start the procession to the front. Me carrying Blaise, followed by a prancing Avery and Bailey, followed by Paige with a basket bigger than her, followed by the most wonderful HEB worker ever pushing another full basket. Then beautiful HEB worker says something to another equally beautiful HEB worker and they open a lane just for me. All other lanes were about 3 people deep. Then second beautiful HEB worker gets a third beautiful worker who then proceeds to unload all of my groceries onto the conveyor belt. And at last gets a fourth equally beautiful worker to carry out my groceries and arrange them, with the bread on top, in the back of my SUV. I left thanking God for his favor and praying he would bless all those wonderful women who helped a tired pregnant women with four children.

This is just another reason I love HEB.

The New Year!!

2008. A new year, another chance. There are a lot of things I want to do and be in 2008. Some I didn't accomplish in 2007. Some of them, I did not experience to the fullest. Billy and I went to dinner alone (yay!!) the other day and we talked about a lot of things. Here are some things we want to do in 2008.

Billy -
Pursue God more passionately than before
Pursue me more passionately than before
Be excellent with our finances

Francesca -
Pursue God more passionately than before (especially the word of God)
Invest more in my marriage
Loose weight (yes loose, not lose)

I came to this conclusion. The things I want the most out of, I am going to invest the most in. Relationships, health, the Bible. Why have I expected large dividends in places I have not made investments. So, I want an amazing marriage (it isn't bad, I just want glorious) I am going to invest. Deeper friendships, invest. Health, invest.

Where are you going to invest this year?